He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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