She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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