even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
