I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
