He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
