I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
