we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
