I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Having a random hookup so left but love u
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize
