It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
