did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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