Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
