My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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