It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
