ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
