the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
