she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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