I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
