she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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