Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
