There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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