I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
