sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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