wakey wakey hands off snakey
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
