BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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