You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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