Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
