i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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