They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
