im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
