It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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