Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
