A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
