Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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