i wish my penis had a tongue
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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