Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Houston, we have a blender
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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