i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
