I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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