you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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