no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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