Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
