I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
