You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
