woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
