smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
