Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
