i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
