Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
