just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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