So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
