I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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