oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
