sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
